Five Points of Reference: Natalie
by MissDevon
Summary: answer to a five point challenge: five events in Natalie's life turn out differently, what does that mean for her and those around her?


_Disclaimer:_ characters aren't mind, I'm just taking them out to play.  The stories are though.  

My late entry into the five point challenge posted on soapzone's nonstories board.

****

**_Five Points of Reference: Natalie_**

_I: On My Own_

Natalie pushed the door open tiredly and slunk into her 'apartment' as her hand reached automatically for the switch just inside the doorway.  Blinking her eyes against the harsh light of the single bulb, she pushed against the door and sighed miserably as she dropped her school bag and toed off her four inch heels before turning and starting to slide a line of deadbolts into place.

Wearily, she forced herself away from the door, picking up her bag as she stumbled towards the ratty futon in the middle of an even rattier efficiency she was renting.  Sinking onto the couch, she buried her head in her hands, wondering who she thought she was kidding.  Why she was even trying to bother to keep up the pace she was.  Why she was even attempting to go to school.   She made decent enough money as a cocktail waitress at the casinos, but she knew it would never get her pass an efficiency--- although without paying for classes at the local junior college she could afford to get a better one.  She'd have a half-way decent roof over her head, food on the table at least once a day and shoes without holes in them.  In other words, she'd have it better than she ever did when she was growing up with Roxy.

She'd do better, but it wouldn't be enough if she didn't at least get her associates.  If she did, she could at least look past waiting on belligerent drunks and angry losers.  If she did, she could look towards working in one of the offices or even getting away from the casinos.  Away from the lights and glitter to something quieter.  To a place where she wouldn't be shaken down to pay someone else's debts. Where she wouldn't be judged by a mistake of biology.  To a place that was better.  A place where she could be better. 

That was, if the getting there didn't kill her first. . .

_II. Paper Trail_

Natalie slid into a seat at a vacant computer in the nearly empty library of LVU, her mind set on finding out what she could about Mitch Lawrence, whether Vickie liked it or not.  After all, he was the one who had stolen away the life that should've been hers.  Why shouldn't she be able to find out about him?

Logging onto her account, she reached into her bad and pulled out a notebook and pen.  Pausing as the light from a nearby window refracted off of her wedding band.  Shrugging off the mixed emotions that the ring brought to her, she turned her attention to the screen, connected to the school's internet program, and accessed the Banner's homepage.  She then clicked onto the link for the paper's archives and typed in the subject of her curiosity.

Scanning article titles returned, she started to read them, making a note here or there on the dastardly deeds that Lawrence had preformed, all, surprisingly, without a viewable picture.

"Aw, if it's not the newly married co-ed," Al cracked as he pulled out a chair, turned it, and straddled it.

"Get lost, Al," Natalie ordered without looking away from the computer screen.

"And here I'm going out of my way to make sure I congratulate a friend on her hasty nuptials."

"Why don't you find your way back out of here," she shot back as she clicked onto the link for another article, turning white as it came up with a picture.  Swallowing, back a mixture of bile and tears, she pushed back from the console and somehow managed to grab her purse as she stumbled to her feet and towards the door.

All stared at her with a smidgen of concern:  "Nat, you OK? You look like you've seen a ghost or something," he commented as he sprinted after her.

"No, I married one," she spat out as she shot out the door and towards the parking lot where she had left her car, leaving Al staring after her.

With shaky fingers, she fumbled with her keys, cursing the uncooperativeness of the remote's unlock button.  When it finally yielded to her fumbles, she yanked the door open and collapsed onto the front seat, then froze, suddenly unsure of what to do next.  Where to go.  Christian was with Jen, trying to help her cope with her miscarriage.

Jessica and she had grown closer, but there was still something that just didn't well. . . fit.

Rex was if nothing else Rex.

Turning her head slightly, she looked back at the school.  She supposed there was AL, but that would be more likely to add a whole new set of problems she wasn't ready to deal with. . .

Maybe she could go to Vickie. . .no, she quickly discarded the idea as she looked out the windshield.  Her loving 'mother' had to have known who 'Michael' was when she had introduced them.  The fact that she hadn't said anything spoke volumes about what the older woman must think of her.

And that was it.  There was no one to turn to for help with her latest screw up.  Her 'family' would just as soon see her gone. . .

Eyes widening slightly, she straightened in her seat and reached out to turn the key she didn't remember putting into the ignition, a plan forming in her mind. . .

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Asa looked up as Nigel lead the slip of a girl who was hurting his sweet Jessie into his office and frowned.  "What do you want?" he groused.

"Who saids I'm not hear to give you something you want?" she shot back with a forced bravado that he saw right through.

"Aside from the fact that you're only out for yourself?"

"So saids you."

"So knows I," he parried back while giving her a stern once over.  His eagle eyes didn't miss her paleness or the jerky motions in the strained silence that hung between them.  Narrowing his eyes as he fought back a touch of concern that welled up in him he pushed forward: "Well, Little Girl, out with it."

Natalie swallowed and looked away from him and towards the door.  "Maybe this was a mistake," she muttered.

"You being in this town at all is one," Asa remarked, taking in how she flinched slightly before recovering her tough demeanor.

"Well, Old Man," Natalie returned, forcing herself to go through with this, "if you play your cards tight you just might get your wish."

"Oh, I will sooner or later, so you can just scram."

"I don't think so.  For once you're going to hear what I have to say."

"Like hell.  Get out."

"If you don't listen, it could end up hurting Jess."

"You threatening Jessie there?" Asa asked angrily as he rounded his desk and went towards her.

"No. . . I. . ." Natalie started as she moved back, her legs hitting a chair, which caused her to crumple into it as she looked up at the man towering over her. "I. . . oh, g-d. . . this is just so screwed up.  I should never have come here," she muttered, unsure if she meant Land View or the house itself.

"Got that right," Asa told her, wanting to keep a distance from this girl, even as he noted the fear in her eyes and clamped down the voice that wondered why it was there.

"I just want this to end."

"Then just leave."  
  


"If it was only that simple," she sighed as she played with the plain gold band she wore.  "I never wanted this.  It's just been one mistake after another, and I can't fix any of them.  I thought maybe. . ." she sighed looking at him before shrugging and pushing to her feet.  "I was wrong, though.  I'll handle it on my own.  I always have.  There's never been anyone. . ." she shook her head and laughed hollowly.  "Who knows, maybe this is my penance for what I did to Jessica."

He frowned at that, "What is?"

"It doesn't matter."

"You came here for something."  
  


"Yeah, something no one can give me."

"I'm . . ." Asa started, but stopped himself from going further.  Unable to give voice to the words that were sitting in wait on the tip of his tongue.  To admit a connection he was still unsure of making.

"You're what?" Natalie asked, a bit of hope in her voice and eyes.

"A busy man."

"Yeah, and I've wasted enough of your time.  I'll face whatever on my own."

"You'll tell me what it is because it involves Jessica."

"Right, because everything's about perfect little Jessica.  I mean, she can do no wrong, right? She wouldn't steal someone's boyfriend.  She wouldn't crush someone.  Spread rumors that they were responsible for almost killing someone, right?" Natalie asked throwing what little pride she had left out. Wanting this man to see something about her that he refused to.  Facing him, she continued in a wobbly voice.  "Only she did. . . she had all .  . ." she gestured towards him and the room, unable to say what it was that she really begrudged Jessica for having when she couldn't.  "But that doesn't matter because she'd forgivable and I'm just the trash that you're waiting to take out," she shot at him as her voice changed and she laughed hollowly, "but hey, I'm doing my penance.  I mean you all must be having a laugh about it, right? I mean that's why Vickie wouldn't have said anything.  Not like she couldn't have known if I could find out by just looking in a paper.  I mean, did you all think I was so stupid I'd never try to find out about him?  Try to figure out why he did it? I supposed he thought he'd just. . ." she shook her head.  "Anyway, the con gets conned.  Ends up married to a psychopath.  But, I'm just doing my penance, right?" she asked as she swiped at the tears she couldn't keep from falling, as she turned and started towards the door.

"What in blazes are you talking about?" 

Natalie froze in the doorway, "It doesn't. . ." she shook her head, unable to continue.  Too broken too.

"It does," Asa said softly as he walked towards her.

She nodded at that as she bit her lip and turned towards him.  "Right, because of Jessica.  Fine.  Whatever.  You want to know why I came, I'll tell you.  I screwed up again.  I know, real big surprise to you.  I went off and got married.  Only the guy isn't who I thought he was.  Not at all!"

Asa frowned at that, mentally reviewing all of her reactions since she had walked in here.  "Has he hurt you?" he asked.

"Over and over," she sighed as she titled her head and took in his perplexed look.  "He told me his name was Michael.  Michael Lazarus.  Lazarus, the man who came back from the dead.  Gotta love the irony there. . ."

"Might if I could follow on dang thing you were saying."

"I wanted information on Lawrence.  Vickie wouldn't tell me so I went to the library and looked it up.  Funny thing, my new husband looks a hell of a lot like him.  And I ask you, what do you think the chances are that he's just a double?" at the look on Asa's face she sighed, "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"You really expect me to believe that you didn't know who he was? That he didn't put you up to coming here and hurting my granddaughter?"

Natalie fought back the urge to remind him that she was his granddaughter too.  Was in fact, if the DNA tests were correct, his _only_ granddaughter.  Inhaling she straightened, "Believe what you want.  You always do.  In the meantime, I'll figure something out."

Asa's eyes narrowed at that: "You already had, or you wouldn't have come here," he deduced, "didn't you."

"Yes."

"What do you want from me?'

"A way out."

"What's your other option?"

"Short of killing myself, I haven't figured on out yet."

"Well, then, what did you have in mind?" he asked, poker face in place and keeping her from seeing how much her words affected him.

"If he's. . . then he's not going to. . ." she started, disjointedly.

"You want to speak English there?"

"If he's Mitch, he's not going to let me go easily.  He's after something.  He tricked me into marrying him.  From reading what I did I'm guessing he used the same techniques on me as he did others.  He let me think he was going to give me what I wanted most," Natalie admitted, embarrassed.

"Dead men usually don't have a lot of money."

"I meant someone who'd. . ." she shook her head.  "Never mind.  I just. . . you have to have the connections that would get me out of this.  Get me an annulment."

"Even if I'd use my ones here, that wouldn't be enough.  You're right he's not going to let you go."

"Gee thanks.  Glad you could help."

"Hold your horses.  This is what's going to happen.  I'm going to help you.  We're going to go to St. Blaze's and I'll arrange a quickie divorce there.  I'll also have my lawyers here do the same so he can't pull something later on.  In return, you don't return here.  Ever."

Natalie bit her lip and nodded, "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.  Fine. I'll just go and get somethings. . ."

"No.  We go to the airport from here."

"You want me to start over somewhere else with nothing but the clothes on my back? I think I rather take my chances with Mitch."

"Don't worry, as long as you sign a paper saying you'll never contact a member of this family again.  Never come to this town again, I'll make sure you have enough."

"You still don't get that it was never about the money," Natalie sighed as she wiped her left hand over her face, tensing at the feel of the gold as it rubbed over her nose.  Pulling her hand away, she stared at it, as if she had never seen it before.

Asa shook his head as he watched her, "it's all you're going to get," he told her gruffly.  At her flinch he turned and walked over to his desk, picking up the phone.  "So what's your answer, Little Girl?"

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

"No, you don't," Asa said as he started to dial the number of his pilot, trying to convince himself that this was the right thing to do.  To remind himself that despite her protestations all she wanted was the money.  That she had hurt his Jessica.  That she wasn't truly a member of this family.  That she was nothing more than a con artist out for all she could get.

Besides, it was quid pro quo.  She was getting a new start.  Getting away from Mitch.  And he. . . well, he was protecting his granddaughter. . . .

_III. Acceptance_

Natalie stopped on the bottom of the stairs as she listened to her father's end of a telephone conversation and cringed slightly, before lowering herself to the cool wood.  It wasn't hard to guess whom he was talking to from what was being said.  It seemed to be the same thing time and time again.  

She supposed it shouldn't bother her.  

She had never had a mother's love to begin with.  If the woman who raised her hadn't wanted her, why would her biological mother?  

Besides, it wasn't like she wasn't now getting some sort of parental support from somewhere.  

After all, for the first time in her life she was someone's little girl.

She supposed that it felt good, at least when she let it.

When she wasn't waiting for the bottom to drop out of her life as it had so many times over the years.

She didn't know what had made her come here.

What had made her believe what Alison Perkins had told her.

That Roxy hadn't been her mother and that she had been switched with some other baby for g-d only knew what reason, and that she should go to Land View and fight for her rightful place in the Buchanan family.  That all she had to do was listen to her and she'd get everything her heart had desired.

And she almost had.

But Natalie wasn't one to follow any one's orders, and had decided to try things on her own.  After doing research on the people who she was now being told where her family, she decided that she'd probably have better luck on her own.  So she ditched Alison and used what meager savings she had to get to London.  To meet her father.

In truth it hadn't been easy.

He hadn't wanted to hear what she had to say.

Had threatened to have her arrested when she wouldn't give up on getting him to listen.

Finally, she supposed in a bid to get her to finally see how wrong she was.  How she was being used by a woman he described as being unstable, he arranged for them to under go DNA testing. 

He had certainly been shocked to find out that she was telling the truth.  That she was his daughter.  

But at least he was trying to make her a part of the family.

To be a father to her.

That was more than she could say for any one, except maybe Cord.

The rest resented her.

Didn't want to know about her.

Refused to believe what the tests had said.

Asa screamed about the results being changed.

Vickie wouldn't consider that Jessica wasn't theirs.

Bo was investigating to find an answer that made sense.

Joey and Kevin wouldn't even discuss it.

"Where you've been?" a voice teased, causing her to look up and see her eldest half-brother standing there.

"Just thinking," Natalie sighed as Cord sat down on the steps next to her.

"I'm getting too old to be sitting on these things," he muttered as his knee clicked, causing her to giggle.  "You think it's funny? You just wait till you're my age. I'll remind you how funny it was then."

"Yeah, from where? Your wheelchair?" she shot back on a grin, comfortable with the relationship they were building.  With the understanding he showed her.  After all, as he reminded her from time to time, he had been where she'd been.  

"Smartass," he said as he reached over and started to tickle her, causing her to squirm away from him.

"I give. I give," she laughed as she straightened and pulled on her shirt.  "But I'm not the one who said they were old."

"Point taken," Cord smiled as he watched her, glad that he had been able to get her out of the morose mood she had been in.  "So what are you doing sitting out here?"

"He's on the phone.  I didn't want to interrupt," she shrugged as she looked away from him and pulled on a piece of string hanging from her sleeve.

"I don't think _he'd_ think you were," Cord sighed knowing she was putting up walls again.  

 "Depends on who he's talking to."  
  


"So that's it."  
  


"What?"

"They'll come around eventually, Natalie."

"It doesn't matter."

"No, of course not.  Why would it?" Cord asked sarcastically.

"Cord. . ." Natalie started, but was stopped from finishing as her Clint stepped into the hall and ran and hand though his salt and pepper hair.  A quick look to Cord let him know that his daughter had heard at least part of what had been said on his side, and he couldn't help but shake his head before plastering a smile on his face and turning to her, "well, now, if it isn't Miss Sunshine, you almost ready to go?"

"Yeah, I was just waiting for you," she sighed as she got to her feet and forced a smile of her own.

"Well, I got what I needed to done, so why don't you go get your coat.  It's a bit nippy out there and I don't want you to catch a chill."  
  


"You really think that we'll be going fast enough for me to? Because if you do maybe you better get another riding date."

"I thought your brother was trying to teach you to ride."

"Trying being the operative word there," Natalie said with a roll of her eyes, "but I'll go get my jacket anyway.  Maybe it will keep me from getting as scratched up," she added as she turned and made her way up the stairs.

Once out of view, Clint turned to his son and sighed:  "I wish there was something I could do to change all of this."

Cord rose, and shrugged: "there's nothing any of us can is there?"

"I wish I knew."

"She's got us at least." 

"For the time being.  It's the times to come that I'm worried about."

"And then, she'll have me," Cord said over a lump forming in his throat as he reached out and put a hand on his father's shoulder.

"OK, ready," Natalie called as she came down the stairs, pausing at the bottom as she took in the tension between her father and brother.  "Is everything all right?" she asked nervously.

"Now that you're here, you bet," Clint responded as he moved away from his son and towards his daughter giving her a quick hug before turning her towards the door.  "Come on, let's see if you're riding hasn't improved some."

"Don't you mean, any?" 

"I prefer to be optimistic."

"You haven't seen me ride since that first time you tried to get me on a horse."

"Fall off, climb back on."

"And fall off again," Natalie retorted, earning a chuckle from her father and a squeeze of the arm that was draped over her shoulder.

From the foot of the stairs, Cord looked on with a bittersweet smile, happy that they could have this time together.  Worried about what was to come. . .

_IV Loved Well_

Natalie sat at a table in the middle of one of LVU's student lounges, a soda in one hand, notes spread out between herself and her roommate Marcie.  "Marcie, com'on, we're supposed to be studying," she reminded her friend, causing her to break her gaze away from where she was watching Jen Rappaport and Jessica Buchanan having lunch.

"But I just want to go say hi."

Natalie sighed, "They're just going to do what they always do."

"I know but. . ." Marcie's voice broke.  "You know we all can't be like you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're an aberration, you know that?"

"Marcie. . ."  
  


"No, really, Nat.  I mean, you're the only well adjusted person I know around here.  Your parents love you.  They've brought you up to have an amazing amount of confidence in yourself.  You're the only one of the 'middleclass' students who doesn't have to have a job other than tutoring.  Hell, they're even married to each other!"

Natalie laughed at that, "OK, so for around here that is a bit, unusual, but if you stopped worrying so much about the likes of Ms. Rappaport and her crew you'd have more confidence.  I mean, you're smart.  Really smart.  You could do really amazing things."

"Not that there's anyone to care.  Come on, how many times have I gotten a call from home? A letter? A care package? You get them all all the time."

"So I'll ask my mom to send you something too."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know.  And I know that I'm lucky.  I mean really lucky.  I don't even want to imagine what I'd be like if I had someone like Jen's or even Jessica's parents raising me.  I mean, I wouldn't want to be any where as self absorbed or boy obessed as them!"

"Jess really isn't. At least not when she's by herself."

"Yeah, but you gotta ask who's the real her.  I mean, would you really want to go through life pretending to be someone you weren't? To have everything you and your family do reported in a newspaper, even one owned by your family?" Natalie asked.  "Me, I think I'll stick to my nice, normal, middleclass family.  Thank you very much."

"You wouldn't even like to, I don't know, trade places and have their money?" Marcie wondered.  
  


"No, because money isn't everything."  
  


"Well, I guess it's different when you have a family like yours."

"Maybe."

"I wish I was that lucky."

"I wish everyone was, but then again, those of us who have it wouldn't know we were lucky then, would we.  Now, come on, let's study.  I got to be back in time to call my Mom."

_V. Poor Little Rich Girl_

Natalie started out of the window of the commercial plane she was flying home one, wondering why she was even bothering.  It wasn't like they'd be happy to see her or share in her news.  They never were.  And she knew why.  She wasn't her twin sister.  She wasn't perfect little Jessica.

Sighing, she shifted in her seat, wondering why her thoughts of them always came to that.  They tried.  She tried.  But, it just never seemed to work, if it ever did.

She was different.  She looked different from them, with her bright read hair that always seemed to clash with their golden blondes and dark raven tresses.  

She was brash, saying what was on her mind usually without diplomacy.

She didn't want to deal with business or newspapers.

She was as happy staying on her own, if not happier, then by being in the middle of their uproars.

She wasn't able to deal with the family dramas.

Asa's parade of wives.

Her parents' divorces and remarriages.

Her mother's illnesses and personality disorders.

The influx of new/long lost relatives.

The specture of never being as good as her twin sister.

The last she knew on some level was a fallacy.

The years of therapy she h ad gone through had taught her that much. 

Because on paper she was just as good, if not better than her twin.  She got the higher grades.  She hadn't gotten pregnant her senior year of high school.  She was going to graduate from college with honors, and unlike Jessica she wouldn't have to depend on the family to get a job.

And yet she always fell short of the family's expectations.

If there was a fight, they sided with Jessica.

Jessica stole her boyfriends and she should step aside gracefully.

Jessica messed up and she was given a hand and coddled by the family.

Natalie did and she was left to deal with it on her own.

That was why she stayed away.

That and she just couldn't deal with her mother.

She knew where it started. 

Back when her she was just a little girl and her mother had had a stroke.  She supposed that was the time when most of her relationships with her family members started to suffer irreparable damage.  But she was only a little girl and it had scared her.  She hadn't been able to handle it.  Her father had tried to be there and help her, but he had other things to worry about.  And eventually she had turned to Meghan.  Meghan who had always been there.  Who had managed to smooth things over.  Who had acted like a mother when their mother couldn't. Meghan who had died and left her on her own again.

Because, not surprisingly, her parents hadn't been able to keep it together and her dad had left.  Had left without her. And she had yet to forgive him for that.  Because he had to have known what leaving her at Lanfair would do.

But he had.

And she her tried to deal. She had even gotten close to her stepfather, Sloan.

But then he died too. All she'd had then was Andrew, but that was ruined by Kevin. Her brother Kevin who had gotten involved with Andrew's wife, and things were never the same again.

And then Nikkie Smith had returned.

Then her mother was back, and she was falling.  

Her father had come back, with his new wife, and she just couldn't warm up to the woman.  But she had liked her son.  Jessica had known it, and during a fight with her boyfriend, Christian, decided to get back at her and him.  She'd gone after Will, got him, and got pregnant.  And while Natalie was thrown to the sidelines once again, both guys ran after her twin.

So she had done what any self reliant, self respecting woman of means did.

She got herself emancipated.

Got a hold of her trust fund and left town.

For the most part she hadn't looked back.

She visited her brother in law Jake, and finished high school under his watchful eyes.

Then she went to visit her half-brother Cord, traveling with him as he took his pictures.

She visited her father once in London after his divorce, but it was stilted, especially when word came that Jessica was in the hospital and would probably lose her baby and she had refused to go with him.

But Natalie had rallied.

She ignored his disappointment as always and packed and went back to the states.

Went back to school.

Went to the ranch and took it over, till Kevin came, and she was forced to leave instead of putting up with his snipes and digs.

So she had transferred and gone to stay with her cousin Danny and his wife.

Had found a place that she could belong only an hour away from her other home, with Jake.

She had found herself.

And yet she was going back.

Back because her fiancé had asked her to.

Because Land View was his home, in all the ways it hadn't been hers.

In all the ways that hers were with Danny, Brenda, and Jake.

"Nat, it's going to be OK.  You'll see," he said as he squeezed her hand.

Sighing, she looked over to the man who had been her nephew's best friend.  Who had teased her and raced her when they were children, and who had been the first to love her for herself, not for her name or money, or as a way to get to Jessica.  The man who had showed her that she didn't have to be in competition with her twin, because in somethings, she actually had it easier: "we'll see Al," she sighed.

"Yeah, we will," he smiled at her as he pulled her close and kissed her forehead, hoping that he wasn't wrong.


End file.
